Answering Four Common Questions About God

Exodus 3:13-15; Psalm 15; James 1:17-27; Mark 7:1-23

As we move into the new school year, our schedules change and we often find ourselves with the opportunity to meet new people. And as people of God, we have the opportunity to talk with these new people about our faith, our salvation, and our God. But many times we don’t speak because we are afraid of the questions that might come. But the cure for this fear is to listen carefully, and learn the answers to those most common questions. The less common questions? Those are great questions for Sunday school or a small group class. But we each should understand how to answer the most common questions.

When I talk with people about God and Christ – for I always talk about both God and Christ – there are certain questions that seem to come up again and again. The exact wording varies, but these four questions come up over and over again in one form or the other.

• Who created God?
• Who is your God? In other words, what is the personality of your God?
• Why does God let bad things happen?
• What does God ask of me?

These four questions, worded in different ways, come up over and over again. These are four questions that you will be asked to answer from time to time if you are truly trying to love your neighbors by helping them find the way of life, the way of following Jesus Christ. And so you’ll want to be able to answer these four questions about God.

So let’s begin with the first question: Who created God?

When I hear this question, I know that I have a deep thinking person who is trying to make sense of the Universe. But I also know that that person has not met God, for God to them is just an idea that they are trying to decide to allow into their idea of the Universe – or not. And so the question must be taken seriously.

Our reading from the Old Testament, from Exodus 3, says:

13 Then Moses asked God, “If I go to the Israelites and say to them: The God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they ask me, ‘What is His name?’ what should I tell them?”

14 God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I AM has sent me to you.” 15 God also said to Moses, “Say this to the Israelites: Yahweh, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My name forever; this is how I am to be remembered in every generation. (HCSB)

The name of God is “I AM WHO I AM”. In Hebrew, this was written by four letters which translate as  YHWH, and are normally pronounced Yahweh. In most English Bibles, you will find that the translators have translated this word as LORD – all capitals. This is to distinguish the proper name of God from the title Adonai, which means"Lord", and is written in our Bibles as L-o-r-d – Capital L, small letters for the rest.

So Moses asks God what God’s name is and God says, “I AM WHO I AM”, which really isn’t very clear when you first hear it, but let’s see what develops.

First of all, God proclaims with God’s name – "why do I need a name?" – I AM WHO I AM – which is a profound statement that everything else in existence needs a name to distinguish it from everything else, but God is far above and beyond everything else and doesn’t even need a name – I AM WHO I AM – God says to Moses.

But this name tells us more. I AM WHO I AM speaks of existence itself. God is existence and creation itself – the Creative principle, that from which everything else flows. God tells us that not only was God not created, but God is the Creator of all things because God IS – or, in the first person, “I AM”. And so the answer to the question of “Where did God come from” is that God is the Creative principle which creates everything else. God IS – I AM THAT I AM – and everything else is created.

And from this concept we can understand some other things about God. Who is God?

First of all, God is a Being. Be-ings are self-existant - creat-ures are created. God is not a creature, created by another. Beings simply exist. And therefore it is probably very important that we seek to understand the personality of this immensely powerful Being, who had the power to create the entire Universe, especially since we don’t even have the power to create one little rabbit. Especially since there is only one true Being.

God is complex. I realize that it is fashionable to say that “God is love”, which a third of a verse buried inside of I John 4 tells us, but God is also much more complex than just love. God is not simply a single emotion. “God is Love” is far too simple a description of God. Reading the Old Testament, it would also be fair to say that God has anger, God has wrath, God has tenderness, God is Justice, God is Mercy, God is Wisdom, and God is Almighty.

A reduction of God down to simply “God is love” is far, far too simplistic an idea when you are talking about the Being that understood how to create the elephant and the whale, the Sun, the Moon, the stars, the redwood tree, and the human brain. “God is love” is a t-shirt slogan for people who limit their understanding to what can be found on t-shirts, but we do not worship a t-shirt God. Our God took several hundred thousand words to describe in the Bible, and then, because God was so much more complex, gave each Christian the Holy Spirit to continue to guide each person in their daily life because our God has so much more to say than just what you can find even between the pages of Genesis and Revelation!

“Who is our God” your friend may ask? Simultaneously our God is the kindest Person in the Universe and the One who destroyed armies and cities in a few minutes. Our God is both beyond the galaxies and standing beside you at the same time. Our God is Spirit and a Man who bled on a cross. Our God controls the power of the Sun’s hydrogen fusion reaction and guides sparrows to find nesting places. Our God is a good God, but not a tame God.

God loves us, but will not be manipulated. God very much wants us to follow Jesus Christ, but is also more polite than any other Person in the Universe, allowing us to destroy ourselves if we wish. God died for us and gave us life, yet is so respectful of our will that we may choose to ignore everything God has done for us and spend eternity away from God. God asks for our worship and yet provides us with everything we need.

This is the personality of our God. This is the character of our God. If you need more, Holy Scripture is waiting for you to read and find out about the character of our God.

And why does this good God allow bad things to happen? When I hear this question, I know two things about the person I’m talking to: First, they have emotionally experienced evil or death in this world, and second, they are very close to believing in God and may actually believe in God but are angry at God.

When we look around at the world, we see all sorts of evil happening. We see the executions that ISIS is making, we see the evil things that happen in our inner cities, we see children injured and tortured, and we see adults committing terrible crimes. Our evening news is filled with stories of horror, of terrorism, of destruction. And we even read in the Bible of God commanding the destruction of entire cities and the plundering and burning of those cities.

Why does God allow these things to happen? Or even worse, why does God order men and women to do these things?

We always have to remember that we are in the second-best world. In the best world, a place called Eden, evil did not happen. People did not die and horrors did not happen. This was the way things were supposed to be, Good and happy and safe.

But God also understood when Eden was created, that people needed to be able to choose good over evil – or even to choose evil over good – for if God forced us to always do good, we would be robots with choice, without freedom, and that would be evil. So God gave Adam and Eve choice, and after a while, we chose poorly.

God understands much more than we understand that people need to learn wisdom to go with that freedom to make choices. And the only way for wisdom to teach is through pain – either our own pain or observing the pain of others. It is only through learning Wisdom that people will have the good sense to listen to the commands of God. And people have proven time and again that we generally don’t listen to God very well.

God saw that if the original people remained in the land of Israel throughout the centuries, there would be almost continuous warfare throughout those centuries. So God said, “drive them out”. And the Israelites got tired of warfare and left people in the land. And then for 3000 years, the people of Israel have fought against the Philistines and their descendents in a place which is today called “Gaza”. How many millions have died over the centuries? How much blood could have been saved if they had listened in the first place?

Or perhaps you believe that God could have found a different way, a painless way to clear the land. Perhaps you believe that God could find a way to stop all the war and fighting and suffering on the planet today. Perhaps you believe that God could have saved your pet dog, your grandmother, your father, your loved one when they died?

Perhaps God could have. But perhaps any interference would have caused worse problems. As the Jim Carrey movie "Bruce Almighty" shows, making a small change here or there for good can cause immense destruction in other places.

But God has told us how to stop the fighting, the suffering, the trouble and we don’t listen. Have you seen what happens when a group of people truly choose to follow the commands of Jesus Christ, who was God walking upon this earth? In the small towns of America, many people have truly tried to follow the commands of Jesus Christ, with a mixed record of success, but they have tried!

Have you compared the world of small town, Bible-belt America with Syria recently, or with the chaos of India or Pakistan? Have you looked at life in Thailand or Burma recently? How about considering the massacres in northern Nigeria or the troubles in Mexico? You see, when a society truly tries to follow the commands of God’s Son, Jesus Christ, it makes a difference in that society.

God allows bad things to happen because it is the only way we will learn. And to stop those bad things would be for God to become an evil tyrant, taking away our freedom. And God will not do that.

And so we come down to the last question: What does God ask of me?

There are several answers to this question. In Psalm 15, we see that to be close with God there are several things asked:

1 Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent?
Who may live on your holy mountain?

2 The one whose walk is blameless,
who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from their heart;
3 whose tongue utters no slander,
who does no wrong to a neighbor,
and casts no slur on others;
4 who despises a vile person
but honors those who fear the Lord;
who keeps an oath even when it hurts,
and does not change their mind;
5 who lends money to the poor without interest;
who does not accept a bribe against the innocent.

Whoever does these things
will never be shaken. (NIV)

But we also see that these things are impossible to do, for they require perfection from us and we all do evil from time to time.

And our reading from James 1:17-27 says much the same thing.

That is why Jesus was sent to us. For under the Old Testament Law, every evil, every sin, everything bad people did required a sacrifice to make things right, a fine, a punishment.

And still there were evil deeds that weren’t paid for, either because the people didn’t realize what they’d done – or they simply had done so much evil in their lives that they could no longer pay the sacrifices, the penalties, the fines.

And so, God sent part of Himself to earth to teach us, to bring us a message of hope and forgiveness, and to pay all he sacrifices, all the penalties, all the fines. God send Jesus Christ, the Son of God, God Himself walking upon this earth, to be the final sacrifice.

As a man, Jesus Christ could act on behalf of all the mortal humans. As God, Jesus was infinitely valuable, and was valuable enough to pay for all the sacrifices. And thus, when the sinless, totally innocent Jesus was sacrificed upon the cross, the debts to God were paid for all time, for all people, even me – and you.

And then, to both prove that Jesus was God Himself – which He had claimed immediately – and to show us that God has tremendous love for all of us – Jesus was brought back to life, and walked and talked and taught and ate in front of over 500 witnesses in at least eleven different appearance, and then He left us once more so we could choose to follow His teachings …or not.

And since that day the world has changed. Christianity is the largest religion in the world and growing rapidly in the toughest parts of the globe – South America, India, China, Sub-Saharan Africa. And where Christianity has gone, society has changed, mostly for the better.

Europe changed from a land of barbarians who sacrificed men and women to a center of the world civilization. America has become the world’s moral and ethical policeman. China is beginning to find a place for the individual in a land where only the state had rights a hundred years ago. Korea sends out missionaries around the world, and Nigeria calls back to America to keep up our moral standards.

On the margins, there is bloodshed, and there have been regrettable episodes such as the Crusades, but where Christianity has triumphed, especially through peaceful evangelism, bloodshed declines rapidly and a stable society forms.

And so, my friends, what God asks of you is two-fold: To live according to the commands of Jesus Christ, and to tell other people of the God that walked upon the earth 2000 years ago, to change this world through the wisdom of God’s teachings, by loving your neighbor and by working towards becoming holy yourself.

And if you are not so holy?

God is forgiving. If you will choose to follow God’s Son Jesus Christ, God knows that you can be healed, be taught, and become holy. And so, to begin with, God has a simple question: Will you choose to follow Jesus Christ and His teachings?

Helping a Hurting Soul - The Fear of Death

Joshua 24:1-2, 14-18; Psalm 34:15-22; Ephesians 6:10-20; John 6:56-69

Saundra and I have been conducting a fairly large number of funerals over the last few years, and attending more. A while back at a funeral, I met a woman – I’ll call her “Mary” (not her real name) - who was hurting. A relative of Mary’s had died and she was grieving. She was deeply upset. I introduced myself to her and she began to speak. She talked of her relative’s goodness, his kindness, his wonderful kindness. She talked about how he was gone, taken away, gone, gone, gone. She was talking as though the world had ended. And, in her perception, the world HAD ended. For you see, she was not a Christian believer. Instead, she was a person who thought she was a Christian, a person who believed in a vague God, but her belief in God had never made it from the top of her forehead to the depths of her heart, and she had no idea what the role of Jesus Christ was. And so Mary talked on and on about the man that had died, and every couple of minutes, her eyes would cloud up again in tears and she would sob.

And that was good that she talked and she sobbed. For she was imitating Christ Himself, who walked up to the tomb of His friend Lazarus and wept terribly even though Jesus knew that in just a couple of minutes He was going to bring Lazarus back from the dead, to raise him back up alive, and to restore him to health. Jesus stood at the tomb of Lazarus and Jesus wept!

Jesus wept because He knew that death was not in the original plan, that death entered the world through Satan and the apple and through the decisions that our ancestors made, through Adam and Eve. Death was not supposed to happen, but we let death into our world and it has tormented us ever since. The fear of Death was what was tormenting Mary at the funeral.

As we grow older, we often run into people like Mary. As we grow older, our friends and relatives also become older, and we find ourselves meeting our old friends more and more often at the funeral home instead of at the wedding receptions. In fact, you can tell what phase of life someone is in by where they meet their friends. When we are young, we meet our friends at school, then at football games, then wedding receptions, then class reunions, and finally we meet at the funeral homes. In St. Marys, my home town, Paul Ingram’s Funeral Home is the most popular place in town on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

Although death strikes the young, we do not really recognize death until someone very close to us dies. Death comes walking into most of our lives when our grandparents reach their 70’s and 80’s, but even that is somewhat distant. It really comes home to us when we reach our 50’s, because that is when our parents usually die. And for men, the real test comes when our fathers die, and for women, it is when our mothers die, for that is when we realize that we also are mortal and we now bear the burden of being the oldest one living. But for how much longer?

And there are things about death that we don’t generally realize. As the preacher in the movie “Pollyanna” says, “Death comes suddenly”. No matter whether or not you saw your friend walking around yesterday and got the call that he died in a car wreck this morning, or whether you have watched your mother slowly decline for the last twenty years, sliding downhill into the fog of Alzheimer’s, even if the nursing home called you three days ago, Death arrives suddenly, with a knock at the door and the swing of a sickle as Death harvests another soul. One minute, she is alive – the next minute she is dead. Tik-Tock. The clock’s pendulum has swung and on one tick our friend is alive and by the tock he is gone.

And when we cross that line, we cross it alone. There are no friends who will cross that line with you, there are no loved ones who will walk with you across that one-way line, there are no neighbors who will step over the line into the unknown country that is death just to be a companion for you. We die alone, with no human companions to go with us. Even if we die simultaneously with other people in a bomb blast, we step over the line by ourselves, alone, and now dead.

And deep down in our souls, we know that this is the way it is. Deep down in our souls, we know that one day we too shall close our eyes for the last time. Alone. Deep down, we know that we will die and it frightens us mortals terribly. And so we have developed all sorts of ways to avoid the cold truth of the grave.

We talk about our friend “passing”. We read every article we can find on how the scientists will extend our lives. We pay careful attention to the latest research about new treatments for cancer, for Alzheimer’s, for heart attacks. The Internet is filled with articles which tells us how to “cleanse toxins” from our bodies, articles about which foods are bad for us, and which are the new “superfoods” which will add decades to our lives. We listen intently to stories of the latest person who claims to have died and gone to Heaven, hoping that her story tells of a pleasant place without pain. And we complain about doctors and hospitals who ought to be perfect, never making a mistake, always discovering your ailment on the first visit simply by looking at you, prescribing the miracle drug that will keep away Death and his sickle for another fifty years. And we wonder why those who pay the bills won’t cover all the costs for free, even for those people in their nineties, because deep down, we are frightened about the day when we are lying in the hospital room and the doctor says, “We could give you another 6 weeks, but it will cost more than your family home.”

You see, our fear of death is what drives most of human existence. It is the fear of death that makes us want good health insurance, the fear of death that makes us want perfectly safe cars, the fear of death that makes us diet and eat healthy foods – or the fear of starving to death that makes us eat too much. It is the fear of death that leads us to drink and do drugs and protect ourselves with violence. It is the fear of death that leads us to want our children to take care of us, the fear of death that makes us work hard so there will always be food and a warm home over our heads. It is the fear of death that drives our fear of immigrants, our fear of ISIS, our fear of tropical diseases, our fear of eating in dirty restaurants, our fear of drunk drivers, our fear of driving after dark, our fear of no phone service.

And to think that Death – the hooded man with the sickle that is swung at all people - was conquered by Jesus Christ almost two thousand years ago. Those people who have the Holy Spirit shall always live. As Jesus said, “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing”.

What is the worst thing that can happen to you? In any situation, there are really only two outcomes – you die and are with the Lord Jesus Christ – or you live and can praise Him to the people around you. It has been said that a brave man dies only one death, but a coward dies a thousand deaths.

Most of us live a coward’s faith. We proclaim our faith in Jesus Christ, that He died and rose again and therefore we shall live again, but we act like we don’t really believe this, for we worry about death every day, and we manage our lives to avoid death, and we don’t tell people every day that Jesus has conquered death. And so we suffer. We suffer and worry so much more than we need to, for we do not need to suffer or worry at all. Christ already did that – we don’t have to.

Over three hundred years ago, there lived two mathematicians who were also philosophers and theologians, Rene and Blaise. Rene thought about God in the abstract, he doubted everything except what he could know clearly and with certainty. And the only thing he felt he could be sure of was that he was thinking, and if he was thinking, then he must exist, and since he had no idea how he created himself, there must be a Creator outside himself, and thus Rene Descartes decided that God existed. But to Rene, God always remained an abstract, almost mathematical idea, existing, yet not walking beside him. And Rene lived to a good old age, knowing that God existed, but Rene did not involve himself much in life, but he did create the Cartesian coordinates that drove so many people crazy in the second year of algebra, and being know in philosophy for “I think, therefore I am”. But he was distant to the people around him.

Blaise, on the other hand, while trying to prove many things, accepted that we live in a real world and with faith took the world around him to be real and to exist. And Blaise also decided that God existed, but this was not because he had logically proven beyond all doubt that God exists, but because he said that the bulk of the evidence shows that God exists and in the slight case that God does not exist, it doesn’t really matter, but if God exists then choosing to follow Christ is the most important decision that you can make, so Blaise Pascal choose to be a Christian, living his life in a real, concrete fashion with God walking beside him every hour of every day, and therefore contemporaries tell us that Blaise was a much more pleasant man to be around, a much happier man of both reason and faith, and despite having chronic illness was not concerned as his illness grew more terrible and he died in his thirties. Blaise took the abstract God of Rene and made God real in his daily life, for Blaise lived in the world and his book of “Reflections” (“Pensees“) is studied by philosophers even today and Pascal’s Triangle is studied by all students of mathematical statistics.

Is God an abstract idea, or do we put flesh on God, with Jesus Christ guiding our every action of the day? Nothing makes more of a difference in our life and the happiness of our life than how we treat this one question, except for the question that comes before it: Does God exist? This is what our study on Sunday evenings is about – Living the Christian Life as Blaise Pascal would live it, and moving from a life lived as Rene Descartes lived his life. Our study will focus upon the unconscious things we do, the things we avoid, and the entire change of mind that a Christian should make when we understand that God is there, not in the abstract, but is actually standing beside us in the aisle, looking at us and wondering why we ignore God every day so often.

And so many Christians today live as Rene Descartes did, accepting the existence of God Who is floating around somewhere, but not realizing that a real God means that we must turn around our entire life to respond to the God who is there, and to recognize the deep changes in our way of living – and in our outlook on our entire life – that this change brings – as Blaise Pascal realized as he realized that God is there beside you at this moment. A God who is there means nothing is the same. Yet most Christians today still fear death, still worry about the length of their life, and worry about all those things that the fear of the hooded man with the sickle brings.

And if this is what we Christians do, knowing that Christ has destroyed Death for us and that we shall live forever after a brief transition…what must life be like for our neighbors and relatives and friends who do not know the Living God, the Son of God who rose from the dead and promised that we shall do the same? Is it any wonder that they suffer terribly deep down in their souls, anxious and depressed at the same time, fearful of all things, worried about life, worried about love, worried about their very existence?

And so, when you meet a friend who is suffering in his or her soul, you don't need to do a deep psychological analysis. Simply look at them and think of the fear of death in their lives and what that is driving them to do. For it is this fear that is slowly destroying them, making every minute alone an agony for them as their minds drift back to the questions in their lives: What if? What if?

A person who suffers always is asking “What if?”

· What if I don’t have the money – and the devil answers: Everything will fall apart and you will die.

· What if my spouse leaves me – and the devil answers: Then you will be alone for the rest of this life and you will die alone.

· What if my child dies – and the devil answers: Yes, you will be alone and you will die alone.

· What if my house burns – and the devil answer: You will freeze to death this winter trying to sleep under an overpass and you will die.

No matter what the question is, the devil works on that deep fear and tells you that in the end, you will die, and you will die alone.

And so your friends and neighbors and family suffer because they are afraid of death and a lonely death and they do not know anything different because no one has explained Jesus to them, no one has explained God’s overpowering love to them, because you have not taken the time to speak with them.

And so they try their very best to get by, living their lives of fear.

Some have learned to drink until they become drunk because when they drink they can’t think so clearly about the death in their future. Some have learned to drink because just for a little while they feel alive as the alcohol tickles a part of their brain that gives them a lift, a joy, a high.

Some use other drugs or exercise madly for the same reasons. When you are lifted up by the drugs or the exercise, there is a part of the brain which fires faster than normal, and you feel like you did when you were young and running with your pet dog home from the last day of school in the spring sunshine, awake and joyful and ALIVE! But that feeling is soon gone.

And others do much the same with sex and with other people. They date and spend the night together because it makes them feel alive and for a little while, the shadow of death has left them, and they can walk together with someone and not be lonely, but soon the feeling of being alive is gone again. Until the next time. But after enough next times, the effect is gone.

And still others work for money, because with the money comes the chance to buy things, and shopping and a new phone and a new car and new songs from Itunes and those new experiences wake us up from our slow waltz with death and give us, just for a minute or an hour, an object to tango with, a chance to not care that we are alone and we will die, because for that minute or hour we are alive.

And then, when the car is parked, when the date has gone home, when the phone is charging, when the pillow hits the head and we close our eyes, we remember that there is something in our life which will kill us and we begin to suffer and shake and weep as we realize that one day very soon, in just a few years or decades – or maybe tomorrow – we will die and we will die alone.

And so, my Christian friends, if you now understand what your friends and neighbors and family members are going through in their Christ-less world, if you feel their suffering because it is too close to what you feel even if you know Jesus will be waiting there for you on the other side of that line, if your heart is totally broken with sadness for what your friends and neighbors and family members are feeling – then you now know what the answer is for your loved ones, for your acquaintances, for the strangers that you meet.

You must speak to them. You must speak to them and tell them the truth about Jesus Christ and God.

There is only one thing which will rescue a soul from the fear of death. There is only one story which will answer the question of what happens when we die. There is only one bit of good news in this whole, sad, existence.

That news is the good news which is and was brought by Jesus Christ.

That news is that the man Jesus Christ claimed to be God Himself, coming down to earth to tell us of His love, telling us that death was not in the original plan, and that far from this life being God’s punishment for us, that Jesus was to pay the price for all the evil things we’ve done wrong, all the mistakes that we’ve made, and all the people that we’ve hurt. Jesus would die as a sacrifice, a fine, a penalty which would pay all the fines, penalties, and sacrifices once and for all. And so Jesus voluntarily stayed on the cross until he died.

And then, as proof that Jesus was exactly who He said He was, Jesus came back to life. The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ was seen by over 500 people, and a over a half-dozen of them wrote down what they had seen and this is what we call the New Testament today, a collection of writings by those authors, those eyewitnesses, those men who bravely died themselves proclaiming that Jesus was God because they were so certain that what they wrote about was true!

And they repeatedly wrote that Jesus promised eternal life to those who would follow Him, who would accept Him as their leader, who would choose to be taught by His teachings, and imitate Him in His life.

The Apostle John recorded the words of Jesus: 56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.”

Do you feed on Christ? Do you drink in His every word, take every crumb of Him that falls from the Gospels, thank Him for his sacrifice that He made for you every time you take Holy Communion?

And so, my friends, when you sit beside a friend, a neighbor, a family member, a stranger, and they are suffering, there are certain things that you should do.

· First, ask them what is wrong and let them speak without interruption until they run down – five minutes, ten minutes, whatever.

· Next, agree with them that their event was terrible, that their fears are scary, that things look bleak. “Wow, losing your job must be frightening.”

· Third, point out that when you are frightened or scared, or anxious, or depressed, you simply remember three words: “Remember God’s Love.” “Remember God’s Love.”

· Explain the Gospel if you need to. Explain that Jesus was God, that Jesus choose to die on the cross, and that His resurrection was witnessed by over 500 people to proves that He was God. Tell your friend what God and Christ have done for you.

· And pray with that person right then and there. Pray for Jesus to take away their fears, pray for them to know the love of Christ, pray for God to show God’s presence to them. And if appropriate, help your friend pray the Sinner’s prayer – the exact words aren’t critical, but it is a prayer you might want to join me in at this time. It is in your bulletin. In this prayer, we apologize, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the Holy Spirit.

Lord God,

I have done many things wrong in my life and generally made a mess of things. Now I want to make things right with You. Please forgive me for the things I’ve done that were wrong. Please send your Holy Spirit into my heart to guide me to follow your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer and have never been baptized, baptism is the next step. Check in with me or your local pastor to discuss baptism.

The greatest thing about following Christ is that certainty that Jesus is who He said He was and has the power to make His promises come true, particularly the promise that all who follow Him will have eternal life and therefore we have nothing to fear, not even Death.

Raising Wonderful Children

Proverbs 9:1-6; Psalm 126, 127; Ephesians 5:15-20; John 6:51-58; Matthew 18; Hebrews 2:14-15.

As the children go back to school this week, parents and grandparents relax and pick up the living rooms of their homes and collapse onto the couch to take a day off and recover from two months of constant children, it is probably time for us to think about those children and why we have them around.

I mean, after all, children can be quite a nuisance, can’t they? They require food and drink, make messes, are loud and whiny at times, listen as much to us as your neighbor’s cat does, and generally don’t make very good pets. Their medical bills dwarf what most people will pay for a veterinarian bill and they don’t learn nearly as quickly as puppies do. You have to be careful what you watch on television and you have to be ready to break up their fights. And just when you are ready to take a nap, they walk into the room and announce, “I’m hungry! Is there anything to eat?”

So why do we raise children at all? And if we are going to raise children, why can’t they all be wonderful?

Well, today I’m NOT going to answer the question of why we raise children, but I’ll try to give you some Biblical tips on what constitutes wonderful children and how to get wonderful children. Today’s readings tell us to learn wisdom. I hope to pass onto you today some of the wisdom found in Scripture and in Christ’s teachings which will help you raise your children. I will also pass onto some tips that we learned raising our five children, who aren't perfect, but after five you learn some things.

Generally speaking, most parents want children who are kind, well-behaved, considerate, have compassion toward others, interact well with other people, and grow up to be self-supporting. Christian parents also desire that their children follow Christ so that one day the entire family will be reunited in front of God. And these characteristics are what we consider “wonderful” children.

To begin with, the easiest and best way to get wonderful children is to order them that way from the Creator. It sounds like a silly thing, but when you are thinking about having children or during those long nine months, did you pray for wonderful children? God does listen to prayers – but I’ll give you a clue – don’t be too specific about the children you pray for. Do NOT pray for height and weight, for IQ’s, for the color of their eyes, their love for Mountaineer football. Simply pray for them to be wonderful people, a blessing to you and to others, and then see what God gives you. Opening the present is part of the fun, isn’t it? But do ASK God for your children to be wonderful and to be a blessing. Praying parents and grandparents really do make a difference.

Of course, Biblically speaking, almost every time that the Bible says some woman conceived, it uses this form: “And the Lord blessed Sarah, and she gave birth to a child.” Biblically speaking, children are blessings and this is something very important to remember as your children grow up and test you through a long summer day. Just keep telling yourself “She is God’s blessing! He is God’s blessing!” It helps, really!

And be glad that you have multiple children. In Psalm 127, we find:

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

The Chinese are mostly limited to one child by law and it distorts the order of things, for many children in China grow up with far too much adult attention. Because this is the 2nd and even 3rd generation of the “one-child” policy, these children do not have brothers or sisters, or even first cousins. Their two parents spoil them, their four grandparents spoil them, and perhaps even eight great-grandparents spoil them! And spoiled they become. “Little Emperors” is what the Chinese call them. And when these spoiled children marry another spoiled child and marry – you have two people used to being the center of all attention, and it isn’t pretty.

On the other hand, in America several generations ago large families were considered normal. Three, four, five, even seven or eight children were not unusual. And the vast majority of those children grew up to be productive, happy, functioning members of society even without the help of modern psychology. It was only after we began reducing the families to one or two kids that most of the problems occurred.

The very fact that we can focus so much on one or two children seems to cause many of the issues we deal with – our great-grandparents did not have the luxury to focus upon one or two children – as soon as that third child arrives, you have to move from man-to-man defense to more of a zone defense, and that means that the older children must learn some responsibility at an early age, as they become the sergeants of the family.

So what were the tricks of Christian parents throughout the centuries before the Pill reduced family sizes? What Biblical lessons were followed?

First of all, it is worth realizing that the root cause of almost all anger, almost all misbehavior, and the root of almost all crime is fear. Speaking of Jesus, the writer of Hebrews wrote in Chapter 2:

14 Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— 15 and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death.

Fear of death holds people in sin, and fear leads people to do things they should not do, and therefore the single best way to prevent a host of problems is to keep the demon of fear out of a child’s life. So how do we keep fear out of a child’s life?

We begin by looking at what can create fear. The words “fear”, ‘control”, “faith”, and “security” are all tied up together. A child – or an adult – fears when they cannot control events, nor have faith that another whom they trust will control things for the child’s security. Lack of control without faith leads to fear. And there are many things outside of a child’s control – most cannot feed themselves – especially infants – have you ever seen a hungry infant who is completely certain that they are going to DIE if they are not fed within the next five seconds?

Most children cannot feed themselves and they cannot defend themselves. And so they have a perfectly rational fear of dying, and so they look to an adult or older child to solve these two basic security problems for them. The older child or adult feeds the younger child and the bigger person defends the smaller person. And therefore, the child develops faith in the adult or older child who feeds and defends them. And it is a big, scary, frightening moment for a child when they discover that their protector might not be able to handle all the problems of the Universe.

It is scary if Mommy says, “I’m afraid we’ll run out of food if we don’t get some money.” It is frightening if big brother is attacked and injured by the neighbor’s dog. It is particularly frightening if someone beats up Mommy, such as a boyfriend or worse …Daddy.

So the first rule is that Mom’s and Dad’s need to be aware that young children are easily frightened by worrisome talk and by violence. So hold any scary budget discussions until after the children are asleep. And do your best to keep them from seeing you in weakness. For a young child’s security, it is important that Mommy is big and strong and confidant and that Daddy could beat up Superman if needed. As far as television and movie violence is concerned, simply don’t give them the chance to see it – we lived without broadcast or cable television for fifteen years.

But you will notice that I have not told you to protect your children against all injuries. We don’t want them to be fearful, but it is ok if they have minor injuries. No, you are to keep them from seeing you weak and injured. As long as you are strong, they will feel secure. But there is nothing wrong with a young child getting the occasional bumps and bruises. In fact, it is actually good for them – depending upon how you react. If you run to them in fear, they will learn to fear. If, on the other hand your child falls down and you say, “Oops. Bumped the floor!”, then they will learn that these bumps happen and grow tougher because of it. They will not fear. If the cat scratches them, they will become more polite toward the cat if you react calmly. Of course, you should keep them out of the yard with the pit bull.

At pre-school ages, it is fear we are trying to avoid. If the child does not have fear, they will react appropriately. But if they are fearful, they will begin to act inappropriately.

What if my child is already scared to death of, perhaps, cattle? Our oldest son was. For some reason, he had a dream one night when he was about four years old where cattle were attacking him. A slow process of showing him that cattle were not so dangerous seemed to work. And where he is now, in a Chinese city of over 20 million people, he doesn’t have to worry about cattle much.

A key part of this is keeping the child from scary movies. It may seen to many people like common sense, but I know of adults who are so scared by horror movies that they have children watch those movies with them, and that can mess with those children for decades. We were particularly careful to avoid even some G-rated movies until we knew our kids were ready for the tense scenes. For example, in “The Little Mermaid”, there is a particularly scary scene near the end of the movie, and so we waited until our children were about eleven before they could watch that movie. And we have taught our children that there are some movies that have images you simply do not want to see, at any age.

So as the child is very young, remember that you need to be strong and calm in all situations for the child, and they will realize that when ever you are there, nothing really bad can happen to them, and because of that they will not need to throw many temper tantrums, nor scream for food, nor run yelling for help when a Chihuahua runs into the yard. They have faith in you, and that is where their security comes from.

But as a child moves toward school age, you can’t always be there. So this is where we want to begin to help them have faith in the God that is always there. Teaching faith early is important. As Jesus said in Matthew 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. 14 In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”

Starting at an early age, let your children see that you simply take your fears and ask God to handle them. Whenever they catch you worried about something, let that be your cue to turn those worries over in prayer to Christ right in front of the children. Teach them through example and coaching how to pray their own prayers, and then they will not have fear anywhere. Memorizing the 23rd Psalm is helpful. And as they come to realize that even death does not need to be feared by a Christian believer, they will develop their faith also.

Have you ever noticed that the best way to get your child’s attention is to begin to weep? If you weep at a movie, you can surely count on a child saying, “Mommy, what’s wrong?” For you see, if you are weeping, then something really bad must be going on. Explain to them why you are weeping – perhaps not because of your pain or fears, but because you understand how the character’s must feel. And in this way, you will teach your children empathy and compassion.

As your children move into the school-age years, there are four other sources that compete with you to guide and form the hearts and minds of your children.

First, there are the teachers, books, and curriculum at school. Decades ago, you could look around and be sure that Rosemary Stromberg or Cleo Rollins was teaching your child, and that Christian values were being taught to those children. Today, you have a mix – some teachers are Christian men and women who attend church regularly, and others have a totally different system of values which they will teach to your children.

Second, you have the other children at school, both those who are your children’s ages, and those who are a couple years older. And they will be teaching your children every bit as much as the teachers, and may have more influence. And thus you’ll need to provide your children with strong character weapons to stand up against the worst of the other children.

Third, you have television shows and the Internet. We found that although most televisions let us block certain shows, the commercials were often even worse than the shows, much more persuasive, and could not be blocked. And so our solution was to simply not have ANY cable television for more than a decade. Instead, we brought DVD’s into the house from Netflix and the library. This way, we eliminated the commercials and controlled the shows. Of course, we were both too busy to watch much TV, and if the Mountaineers made it to a bowl game, I simply went to a restaurant to watch the game, and got my news and weather from the radio and the Internet. And our children spent a lot more time reading that the average child.

Fourth, there are the extracurricular activities. And let me be very honest and straight-forward here. You can let your daughter go to dance class where the other girls will make fun of her figure, where she will learn how to be manipulative and catty, and where she will be taught sexy moves as a ten-year-old – or you can bring her to Pioneer Clubs and to the Youth Group where she will learn Biblical lessons.

You can take your son to Little League, where he will be taught very interesting expressions by the other boys, made fun of for his swing, and watch the coach make a jerk out of himself during the games – or you can bring him to Pioneer Clubs and to the Youth Group where he will learn to serve those less fortunate them him.

You can let them join the basketball teams in middle school, traveling on the road until midnight with the possibility of getting a basketball scholarship to Fairmont State, or you can encourage them to read, play chess, and earn an academic scholarship to an elite private school.

You should remember – you always have three options for your children. Public school, private school, or home school. Public school is simplest, I graduated from public school, but those negative influences will be the highest. Private school costs money, not as much as you might think because scholarships are available, but you will at least have the influence of God in the classroom, which I found out when I taught at a private school. And home school, the choice we choose, requires the time and dedication of someone who can spend about half the day on homeschooling, someone who has a high school diploma.

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6

This was the basis for our choice of home schooling. A child’s philosophy is like a groove that you want to place on a piece of steel. You take a stylus and scratch the groove into the steel. Then you do it again and again and again. After you have worked on the steel for a couple of hours, you may have a groove an inch deep and then you can stop. It is the same with children. You need to put them on their life path when they are young and repeat certain basics over and over and over again until they are worn into their mind like that inch-deep groove in the steel. The longer and the deeper you make the groove, the less likely it is to be polished out by someone else.

When we were living in Atlanta, soon after the Columbine shootings, we decided to home school so we could wear certain grooves into them that would not get polished out by others. We decided that we would provide our children with a very safe environment, uninfluenced by other children, random adults, and television while they were young. The only outside media we allowed were strictly controlled by Saundra and I. We determined which books would be read, which movies would be watched, and which television shows we’d bring in on DVD.

Lest you think we over-controlled our children, though, we ensured that our children went to church at least twice a week, participating completely in Sunday schools, children’s choirs, mid-week groups. They gradually moved into positions of responsibility – Ian began at age 5 by putting the salt and pepper shakers on the tables at the Wednesday night suppers. Andy and Jessie began as greeters at ages 6 and 8.

We trusted our church family to be a good influence. And they were a good influence, teaching our children how to live and speak around adults rather than just children who are within 6 months of their own age.

When our children began to reach the teen years, we began to open up more, because we then knew that most of the grooves were worn deep enough that our children would always return to those grooves, even if others tried to polish out those grooves. And so our children joined a swim team where they met and interacted with many other children from a host of different backgrounds, and so they began to move into the world.

As the children grew, just as God taught the Israelites that they were a special people, we taught our children that they were in a special family. Our standard answer when a child pointed to an inappropriate behavior allowed in another family was “I know they do that, but Boleys don’t do that.” Complaints about long study hours were met with “That’s one of the things that makes us different”. And soon, the children began to notice that they knew things that other children didn’t know. They began to notice that there were differences in their behavior compared to other children. They began to feel pretty good and confident about themselves.

That was when we let the other shoe fall, for it is very easy to move from feeling confident about yourself to becoming arrogant. That was when we pointed out, that just as in Spiderman, with ability comes responsibility. As Jesus said, “To those who have been given much, much will be required.” And through this all, the idea of a family mission was developed and grew.

Our children have known for many, many years that our mission as a family is to bring people to the love and knowledge of Jesus Christ. That’s who we are. Some families are born to politics, such as the Bushes, the Kennedys and others. Other families are born to be soldiers over five generations. Still other families have apparently decided that they are destined to be thieves, as family member after family member is arrested for the same crimes. And other families have a history of being sales people. Our family mission is to bring Jesus Christ to people. What is your family’s mission? Let your children know who you are and what you are about. Teach them this regularly by sharing stories.

Another key part of our parenting worked to foster creativity. A friend of ours once remarked that the Boley family was always laughing. And why not? As the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 126

When the Lord restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things for them.”
3 The Lord has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

The Lord HAS done great things for us, and so we are filled with joy. And that laughter and joy turned out to be a large part of why our children are creative, happy, and successful. And the Lord has done great things for you and your family, also.

Many of you may know who John Cleese is – an original member of the British Monty Python comedy group, and a very successful comedian on his own. What you may NOT know is that during the 1980’s, John Cleese made a hugely successful set of corporate training videos which used his wacky brand of humor to get across important points. Cleese has made a study of creativity, and discovered that play – games, laughter, humor, speculative mind games – all open up the mind to creative thinking, because when you play, there is no fear!

Think about it – our boys played a game of Jedi Knights versus Darth Vader with plastic light sabres, or fought battles with Nerf guns. No one dies or gets seriously injured! When our daughter Jessie played, she loved to take old clothes, cut them up and make them into doll clothes. She learned a fashion sense, she learned how to sew – and there was no financial loss? The children and I would play and argue about spaceship design – all the while, they were learning physics and mathematics and astronomy.

We’d play pun games where each person takes turns making up a pun on a particular subject, such as trees, and we’d “leaf” each other behind as we “ash’ed” each other questions. It was a nutty game! But they expanded their vocabulary. Later, we began to make up parody songs – ask Andy about the 12 Days of Middle-earth Christmas!

And so I say to you – play with your children! It will make them creative and it will be fun for you!

Finally, I urge you to establish the “hug, kiss, and a prayer.” Every bedtime, every time we left our children anywhere, we gave them a “hug, a kiss, and a prayer.” The hug meant they knew that they were secure in our arms, the kiss meant that they knew that they were loved in our hearts, and the prayer reminded them that Jesus loves them too and God is protecting them. No fear.

Love and Marriage

Malachi 2:10-16; Song of Songs2:10-14; 8:6; Ephesians 4:25-5:2, 21-33; Matthew 22:23-33

In the last couple of years, the topic of marriage has become a major topic of discussion around the country. Unfortunately, that discussion has been focused solely upon the question of “Should two people of the same sex have the legal right to marry?” I discussed this a month ago and my comments are now posted online at my sermon blog, the address of which is on the front page of your bulletin.

But it has been unfortunate that during this time, the issue of traditional marriage has been overwhelmed by the flood of stories about same-sex marriage. And yet, men and women across the country and in this county have been getting married almost every day. And others have not been getting married.

There are three things which appear to lower your divorce rates these days, some of which may not be within your control. First, which the State of West Virginia has noted, is attending pre-marriage counseling. The State now gives a discount on the marriage license if you attend pre-marriage counseling because this gives the couple a fighting chance to stick together. Of course, you may already be married.

Second, it has been noted that having bachelor’s degree reduces your chance of divorce. People who have bachelor’s degrees simply stick out their marriages longer. Perhaps it is because just getting bachelor’s degree means that you are willing to “stick to” something that requires work and effort. Of course, you may already be of an age where this doesn't matter.

Third, it has also been noted that regular church attendance by both man and woman results in a lower divorce rate. But this is key – both the man and woman must be attending – not just one, and this is not just occasional attendance, and it is not just claiming to be Christian, but it is regular attendance at church. This is probably because of the time spent together as well as the double submission to God’s will which is demonstrated by this regular attendance. And this is something that everyone can consider.

It should be noted that the Bible speaks in many places of marriages, some of which were good and some of which were not so good. Some of the great leaders of the faith were married, such as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, the Apostle Peter, the evangelists Priscilla and Aquila, a couple who worked and traveled with the Apostle Paul – and others were never married, such as the Apostle Paul and Jesus Himself. Paul spoke that he considered marriage to be a “second-best” state to remaining celibate, and throughout the ages of the Christian church men and women have remained single for God, while other men and women have married with God’s blessing.

Throughout history, though, divorce has been seen as an evil – sometimes sinful, sometimes even a great sin which was illegal in many countries and times, and other times it has been seen as one of those regrettable things that happens from time to time.

And the great question which has nagged men and women from the dawn of time has been this: How do we have a “good” marriage?

One of things which is clear is that few people go into a marriage looking for a “bad” marriage. Few people expect a short marriage which is to be followed by a painless divorce, although I have known of people who have married for the temporary legal advantages of being married, often due to immigration laws, and who then soon divorced, although I know of at least one couple who planned this but unfortunately fell in love after their civil ceremony and found themselves requiring a church marriage a few months later. The man was C.S. Lewis, the author of the Chronicles of Narnia.

And so we want a “good” marriage. But how do we get that good marriage?

Much has been written and filmed about the benefits of falling in love with the person you plan to marry. I used to believe whole-heartedly in this, but now I’m not so sure. You see, I met a large group of people from Bangladesh who all had arranged marriages and discovered that they have marriages which, on the whole, appear to be as happy or happier than our Western marriages. Oh, things are not perfect in the community, but…on the whole… the number of people who find themselves in a bad marriage is very low. There is something to be said for the wisdom of parents and uncles and aunts in selecting a good spouse for you.

In fact, it was the experience of Ravi Zacharias that taught me a key lesson about love and marriage. Ravi Zacharias is the pastor of the Church of the Apostles in Atlanta, a megachurch which also has a significant radio ministry. Zacharias was born in India to a Christian family and his family moved to Canada before he was a teenager, so much of his formative years came in a mix of Indian and Western culture.

Ravi’s older brother graduated from college and said, “Mother, Father, I wish to be married. Would you please find me a wife?” Mother dashed about, got on the phone and email to the aunts in India and generally went delightfully crazy for a few weeks as she identified likely candidates and eventually narrowed them down for her son. Resumes and photographs were exchanged, and about 6 weeks later, Brother was headed to the airport to fly to India, where his fiancée awaited him with 1200 guests at a wedding. The first time Brother would see this woman was when she walked down the stairs at the hotel into the wedding ceremony. I paraphrase the conversation between Ravi and his brother:

Ravi was aghast. “Brother, do you know what you are DOING?” he asked.
“What if you meet her and realize that you cannot love her?”

And Brother calmly replied.”Ravi, you seem to be under the mistaken impression that love is an emotion outside of our control. But love is an act of the will. I will love her because I have decided that I will love her. This is under my control.”

And decades later, the two have a wonderful Christian marriage with three children in France.

Do you see the key point?

Our films and movies and television shows and romantic novels all insist that love is an emotion that sweeps into and over us, “sweeping us off our feet” like an irresistible tsunami. And we believe this. And there is a natural conclusion to this. We believe that if we cannot help but fall in love, then we have no control about falling out of love, and we believe that this uncontrollable emotion is the basis for marriage – or divorce. So when the hormones die down or someone puts on some pounds, or shows up at breakfast without makeup, we fall out of love and our culture tells us that the marriage must be over.

But that is not the view of Christian marriage that we see in the Bible or over the centuries. That is the view only of the last hundred years – a time when the divorce rate increased from the low single digits to over 50 percent for a period of time.

No, instead we should understand that love is not something out of our control, but is instead subject to our will. As Ravi Zacharias’ brother knew, if we choose to fall in love and choose to stay in love, we shall. Don’t blame emotion, don’t blame your spouse, don’t blame the in-laws or your parents, don’t blame the kids. It is your choice.

And so, how should we choose a spouse?

There are three rules to learn and follow, none of which is accepted by our American culture today. These rules are like hunting, which is something most people around here understand.

First, all game must meet certain requirements. If today you are hunting for deer today because it is deer season, don’t bag turkeys! The first rule is to establish your minimum requirements such as “a 6-point buck” and guidelines for selection long before you go looking for game. For example, you might decide that your future spouse “must love children, treat their parent’s well, have a job, and NOT drive a jacked up pickup.” Or another person might say, “Must love art, be at least 6’ tall, be a professing Christian, and be in good health.” Or still another might say, “Must have a degree, understand my jokes, like to hunt, loves rap music, and not smoke.” Don’t make too many requirements, but consider what is REALLY important to you.

Second, Take any game that meets the standard. If you go deer hunting during buck season, if you said ahead of time that a 6-point buck was good enough, don’t wait all week to find that 24-point buck to take home or you might not take anything home! Just shoot the first 6 or 8 pointer you see! With spouses, this rule is to realize that a good marriage can be had with anyone who really meets the requirements. This is what the arranged marriage people have learned - you don't need the best person in the entire world to marry, just one that is very good. The myth that there is only one person who you can possibly marry is just that – a myth. If your spouse-to-be is one in 10,000, then there are 3 people in Harrison County that would work for you, and 900 people in West Virginia. Of course this means that you really need to think about those  requirements, don’t you?

Third, be proud of your catch. Just as a hunter puts the antlers on the wall, show off your husband or wife to your friends and brag about them. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and nothing works better than bragging about your husband or wife in front of them.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:33, that “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Notice that both parties must do what is not natural for them. Men normally relate to people on the basis of respect. Women relate to people on the basis of love. It is easy for women to love and easy for men to respect, but we are each asked to do what is not normal for us. Notice that the man must love the wife – which is difficult for men to do. The wife must respect her husband – which is not the natural thing for women to do.

Now to begin with, most marriages begin with a man who respects a particular woman, and a woman who loves a man, but we must turn this around. The man must love the woman “as he loves himself”, and the woman must respect the man. Usually, but not always, the woman began the marriage respecting the man. He was strong, successful, had great hair, and was capable, making her feel safe, protected, and loved. The man loved the woman, a woman who was beautiful and lovely, flirtatious and sexy, weighing 120 pounds with beautiful smooth skin.

But time goes on. His muscles turned to fat, his hair disappeared, she put on weight, and there are now wrinkles under the eyes. Neither can stay awake past 11 pm anymore, he snores, and she can't dance anymore because her hip needs replacing. She complains because her hip hurts and he ignores her because he can't hear without his hearing aid. Time goes on.

Most marriages today fall apart when the woman ceases to feel loved, or when the man feels disrespected.

And so the solution, guided by our wills, is this:

Men, as your marriage continues, show your wife love. Take her on a date – particularly when you don’t have time or money. We have always tried to find a cheap quiet restaurant that was open at 9 pm so we could sneak out for an hour or so and sit across from each other with a bit of dessert or share an appetizer. Of course, since we were always looking for a cheap, quiet restaurant that wasn’t busy at 9 pm, we became the kiss of death for those restaurants – they’d close about 3 or 4 months after we found them because they weren’t making any money...

Another tip is to bring her home flowers from the grocery store. An $8 arrangement reminds her that you think about her and you love her.

Or do something for her so she can rest. Vacuuming if it isn’t your chore, or cooking dinner when it’s her turn, or carrying the kids to bed can go a long way. Remember to bring her a blanket on a cold night and a cool drink on a hot day. And tell her daily that you love her.

And women, remember that your men want to fix things for you. And it is precisely those days when they cannot fix things for you that are most critical for your marriage. For it is at that moment when he is feeling lowest, when the water is flooding the kitchen, when the power is off and the house is getting cold, when the bill collector’s are calling because he can’t find work, when the air conditioner fan won’t run and the living room is 85 degrees, when the car has broken down because he tried to save money on oil changes that you decide with your will how he will feel, because you can either say, “I told you so! Or “I wish you were a better mechanic.” Or “I wish you’d have worked harder at your last job”, is one way of responding, and many women have chosen this response throughout the ages.

Or you can show him respect by remembering how much he tries to fix things and telling him, “I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be sitting beside the road with” You can say, “No one could have anticipated that problem.” You can tell him, “If anyone can fix it, I know you can.” You can show him respect when he is lowest and least deserving of respect, and then he’ll do anything for you.

Husbands, love your wives as yourselves, and women, respect your husbands.

The best way to know the soul of a man or woman is to look at their spouse, for it is in this choice that we tell the world what our values are. If our spouse is silly and vain, that is probably because we were silly and vain when we got married. If our spouse is strong and confident, it is because we were strong and confident. If our spouse is a caretaker, we needed caretaking. If our spouse is beautiful or handsome, we probably thought ourselves beautiful or handsome. Sometimes reflecting back who we are, sometimes filling in our weaknesses, the spouse always tells much about the man or the woman.

In the old days, a sound piece of advice floated around. That advice was not to marry someone of a different religion. Today, that advice is seen as old-fashioned, but I will update it – do not marry someone with different life philosophies. If you think money is not important, be sure the person you are dating agrees with that. If you think family is very important, be sure the person you plan to have children with agrees with that. There are very few successful marriages between liberal Democrats and Conservative Republicans, because they disagree on so many aspects of life. You simply don't hear rumors of an upcoming marriage between George Bush and Hillary Clinton, do you?

But our stories and movies and television shows disagree with this, don't they? They are more likely to portray wonderful, romantic loves between two people with totally different philosophies. It is well to remember that those are stories and the reason they are notable is because they so rarely come true in that way. The divorce lawyers are rich with the people who tried to have a special romance between two very different people who were physically attracted to each others, but who had radically different outlooks on life. Instead, find someone with whom you agree far more often than you disagree on politics, on child-raising, on money, on religion.

And when you disagree, learn to fight fairly. Agree that an argument should be about reaching the best solution and not about inflicting pain and dominance upon the other person. If you begin to realize that you are trying to win the fight – or that the fight is no longer about getting a solution to a problem – then stop fighting.

Remember the question of respect in a marriage? Many rocky marriages are rocky simply because the couple never figured out in the first place how they would settle ties. Oh yes, most couples fall into a complementary arrangement, where certain areas are his responsibility and other areas are her responsibility, where she pays the bills and he decides when the car needs repairing, where she determines the decoration of the living room and he disciplines the children, or whatever arrangement you’ve decided will work. But once in a while, the man wants to follow program A and the woman wants to follow program B and there must be a mechanism to make that decision. Do you flip a coin? Do you arm-wrestle?

Paul says in Ephesians 5 – “21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The first step is to offer the other person the opportunity to have it their way. And in most cases, if the truth be known, at least one partner really doesn't care very much what the answer is. Submit to the other one's will.

But in a few cases, the issue is very important to both of you, you've already discussed and negotiated and tried ways to break the tie, but it isn't working. So Paul says that the wife is to make the decision - by submitting to the husband.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Paul’s prescription is this: The wife makes the decision by submitting to her husband. She shows her respect in these cases by going with the husband’s choice. She argues as a ship's good first officer does and challenges every major course of action of her captain – “Are you sure this is the right path? Did you consider this other path?”, loyally challenging him to make sure all the bases are covered. But in the end, she backs off and says, “Make the decision” and then she respects him for that burden which is his, and if the decision goes wrong, she respects that he had to make the decision and she realizes that he will learn from this and that is good. Life is too short to get upset over a single wrong choice – God forgives, and so will she.

But this passage does not give him permission to ride roughshod over her. For Paul continues: 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body.” Men, remember that Christ gave His life for the church – we are to do the same for our wives and families. That is also part of the man's burden.

In a good marriage, there is a wonderful give and take of love and respect. And it is up to both parties to give and give and give.

If we look through God’s eyes, marriage is extraordinarily special. We were created as two parts of a single creature – A man and a woman who form a couple. For years we search for the other half of ourselves and when we finally find that other half, we know it deep inside. And we marry.

Therefore, whenever you see each other, remember that it is like looking at part of yourself in the mirror. Whenever you touch each other, remember that it is your own body that you touch. Whenever you speak to each other, remember most supremely that you are speaking to yourself.

In the best marriages, over time the he and she disappear. After a few years, friends always refer to them as “them”, and the couple refers to themselves as “we”, for it has become impossible to remember that he and she can be found as separate from “them”.

And the magic that makes this possible is the Holy Spirit of God, which blends together the roughness of the he and she and gives them one purpose, blinding them together into the one “we”.

I charge you, therefore, to always attend church together. I charge you to join together in love with a third member of your marriage – The God that created you and brought you together, the God that arranged the entire Universe so that you could be sitting here in front of me today. I charge you to always remember that in the best marriages, there is a third member besides the he and the she – there is the all powerful “I AM” that created all things. Without God, marriages become just business partnerships or worse, slave and master relationships. Without God, the love fades.

Invite God into your marriage. Find God and ask Him for help each day. Find God and live together in peace and love until the day that you die – and then you will see God, the One that kept you together through the years of happiness.

Marriage was not created for the purpose of satisfying lust. It was created because under the Law that God gave to Moses, all truth is verified by the testimony of two or three witnesses. You are each the witness of each other’s life, able to speak at the end of time about the truth of the other’s life, able to testify about the truth of the other’s goodness, able to speak the truth that this other person was important and meaningful and loving to at least one person in the Universe.

And, as Malachi tells us, God is the other witness Who sees both of you and testifies to the Truth of your lives, the importance of your lives, the existence of your lives. He is the necessary second witness, and the third witness when you two stand together against the evil in the world, the Witness that will back up your testimony.

Therefore, whenever you see each other, remember that it is like looking at part of yourself in the mirror. Whenever you touch each other, remember that it is your own body that you touch. Whenever you speak to each other, remember most supremely that you are speaking to yourself. And if you will do these things, you will have a long and happy marriage. Amen.

The Ministry of All Believers

Exodus 16:2-4, 9-15; Psalm 78:23-29; Ephesians 4:1-16; John 6:24-35

How shall Christ’s church operate in the world? What is the purpose of the Church? And how should the Church be structured?

These are great questions and in the fifty years after Jesus ascended to Heaven, these questions were very much on the minds of the Apostles as they struggled to follow the commands that Jesus had given them. After all, the Apostles, having heard everything that Jesus taught and having heard His claim to be One with our Heavenly Father, and most importantly having seen that claim verified and ratified and put in front of their faces in flashing neon letters by walking and talking and eating with Jesus after Resurrection – the Apostles were men who were absolutely convinced of the truth of their mission. And yet, so many questions remained unanswered every morning – what would the Apostles do to accomplish their great mission of telling the world about what they had seen and heard and touched?

And so, haltingly at first, and then with growing confidence, the Eleven added Mathias to their number to replace the dead Judas, and then began to teach the thousands of new converts that almost swamped their small band on Pentecost day, and then they spread out over Jerusalem, throughout the area around Jerusalem known as Judea, into the nearby area of Samaria where there lived people who were almost Jewish, but not quite, and finally off into the lands of the Greeks and the Romans and even beyond … to Ethiopia, to Persia, to India, and beyond Rome to far Tarkish, the land we now call Spain.

And everywhere the Apostles traveled, they told the story of Jesus and His teachings, at first completely by their eyewitness testimony, and soon by letters and pamphlets, by scrolls and books they spread the word about the Word that was made flesh and dwelt among us. It was a wonderful time, an exciting time, a dangerous time, but a time when they tried different ideas about organization and finally came up with something that was consistent with what Jesus had taught them and yet was so revolutionary that it completely went against the culture of the time.

In a culture where birth meant everything, where your father and grandfather determined your power, your social standing, your land, your servants, your name – the Apostles declared that a slave and a high-born Roman senator were equal in the sight of God and in the church. In a culture where nationality meant much, where a Roman citizen could do anything and a Jewish man was seen as little better than a dog, where Greek speakers and Hebrew speakers hated each other – the Apostles declared that there was neither Jew, nor Greek, nor slave, nor free in front of Jesus Christ. And if you were prone to state that some people had received a higher class Spirit or a better baptism than another, then the Apostle Paul was ready to state: “4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”

But there was more to this than just being equal, being treated the same in the Church. It also meant that your birth did not make any difference to how high you could rise in the Church. For it was recognized that becoming a Christian, your belief and your baptism and your acceptance of the Holy Spirit, made a difference. When a person believes that Jesus is truly God walking on this earth and appropriately chooses to follow Jesus, that person’s mind opens up to being taught new ideas, new ways of behaving, new ways of speaking. When a person consents to the waters of baptism, God changes his or her heart in ways we don’t fully understand, but which is for the good. The newly baptized person begins to act less selfishly and more selflessly in their responses to their encounters in this world. And when the Holy Spirit comes upon a person, new gifts are bestowed upon that person. Some receive the gifts of speaking new languages, others interpreting languages, others are gifted with the ability to speak in front of groups of people, others become wonderful one-on-one people, others sway people with their musical gifts, still others with their artistic and craft gifts, and others become wonderful administrators, organizing people for mission. Still others become blessed with financial gifts and are able to support the activities of the church. Others receive special knowledge or wisdom or gifts of prophecy which guide the church. And other gifts are given as they will benefit the mission of God to reconcile all people to Himself through Jesus Christ.

Practically speaking, this meant that a slave could become an evangelist, a Hebrew-speaker could become an speaker in front of Romans, a poor farmer could become a wealthy merchant, donating pounds of silver to support the cause. A woman could lead Christian armies into battle, as Joan D’Arc did for the French many centuries later, or a dairy farmer’s son could speak of Christ in front of millions, as a man named Billy Graham has done. The son of a wealthy merchant could become revered as the man who did more for the cause of the poor, a man known as St. Francis of Assisi. A solder could become known as the founder of a group of men who created a wonderful set of church-operated schools, St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuit order. And through that same Holy Spirit – even before Christ – a man who lisped, who was a murderer, and had lived as a sheep herder for nearly 40 years became the greatest leader the Jewish nation has ever known, a man named Moses. When God acts, people are changed.

When you let God give you the gifts Christ wants to give you through the Holy Spirit, great things can happen. A simple shoemaker named William Carey founded the modern English missionary movement and became the first English missionary to India, translating the Bible into six languages. An English washing woman named Gladys Alward, a maid, led over a hundred Chinese orphans to safety during World War II. And a former Irish atheist name Jack Lewis wrote dozens of books and spoke to all of Britain during World War II over the BBC radio to explain Christianity to the common man and woman. Even today his books are published and have been made into movies, such as “The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe”.

I once knew a woman who became an evangelist at age 88. Listening to the Holy Spirit, she single-handedly brought about 25 different people to the small church we attended in Marietta over the next two years. She just asked people to give her rides to church – a three block distance.

Paul says that “Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ."

Note that there are two aspects of Paul’s comment.

First, apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers do not just happen. Christ himself gave them to us. These people exist because of the direct working of the Holy Spirit as Christ wills. And I have noticed that gifts tend to flow to people who listen most closely to the Holy Spirit. Thus, if you desire these gifts – they are there for you. Listen to the Holy Spirit and you will be able to pick the gifts up off the table and use them for the Church. Or you can leave them laying there and Christ will give them to other people, depriving you of the joy that you would have received by using those gifts for the Church, by using those gifts for God’s mission.

The second part of Paul’s comment deals with the purpose of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers, which is “12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”

If you are a Christian believer, you have works of service in your future. My purpose and the purpose of your Sunday school and small group teachers is to build you up so that you can better accomplish those works of service. If you don’t attend a small group, then you are missing out on that personal growth!

As you know, Andy is headed off to college shortly. And this costs money. A course which meets for an hour a week between August and December costs about $500, plus textbooks and his cost of living. Here, we teach classes which are just as rigorous and we don’t charge you anything except the donations you choose to give to the church. Why not take advantage of those classes?

Furthermore, did you notice that the ultimate goal of all this building up by the apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers is so that “we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ?”

We are each expected to try to gain the “whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” We are all expected to become mature Christians. Yet we usually act as though some people are destined to be godly and we are not.

You know, I’ve seen this particular misunderstanding in a host of things I’ve taught. I’ve seen kids – and adults – say “I can’t understand math.” And so they don’t even try. I’ve seen kids – and adults – say, “Thomas is smart – I’m not.” And so they don’t even try to succeed in classes that had Thomas in them. I’ve seen kids – and adults – look to other adults and say, “I can’t cook”. Really? Would you truly starve if no one prepared food for you?

It is as though many of us believe that some people were born as infants knowing certain things and others – usually themselves – were absolutely incapable of ever learning those things. Like the people who say, “I can’t read maps.” Well, is this your plan for the rest of your life, to be lost every time you drive in a new town? Or the person who says, “I can’t sing” and never tries. I’m waiting for the person who says, “I’m not able to pour water from a faucet.”

Yes, some things are easy to learn and some things are difficult to learn. For example, I love learning languages, but every language course I’ve ever taken has dragged down my grade point average. I love wood-working, but my pieces just don’t turn out very well polished, possibly because I never spend time polishing them. I found that Thermodynamics took me twice as long to learn at college as it was supposed to. I had to repeat the course.

But I try. For I have seen that almost anyone can learn anything if they truly believe they can learn it. It just takes some people more time and effort than others.

My wife is one of those people who used to tell you "I can't sing". My wife will tell you that she was told by her elementary school music teacher to not sing in class. She was that bad! But over the last few years, because she knows the benefits of music on spreading the Gospel, she has prayed and she has practiced certain songs, and one day, when an elderly woman was dying at the nursing home, Saundra was able to sing “Amazing Grace” to her, and later received compliments on her singing from the nurses down the hall. God truly will give you gifts when you need them, because all believers are necessary to spread the Word of God. And you can learn and develop knowledge and gifts if you pray, asking God for help developing that knowledge and those gifts.

A major reason that the Methodist Church grew in the time of John Wesley was because the church accepted this doctrine of the ministry of all believers, that ministry is not just for the professionals, but that, like the early church, every believer is involved in ministry to others. Everyone brings a different set of tools to ministry and everyone has been gifted with a tool set. And when the church members stopped believing this, the church began to die. And so I challenge you: What is your part of the ministry? What is your tool set? What gifts have you been given? What gifts do you desire?

So look at yourself. Close your eyes and listen to the Holy Spirit. Let us pray:

Holy Spirit,

Come to us. Speak to us. Give us the gifts you need us to have to accomplish your mission. Speak to each one of us about our roles in that mission. Tell us what you need each of us to do – and speak in our minds of what gifts we have, what knowledge we need, and what we must do. Give us a vision of this church and the ministries which each of us are to become. Show us who we are and what we are to be. Show us how to begin the journey to get there. And now we listen for a moment….

[listen in silence for an entire minute or two]

Thank you for speaking to us. Amen.

In your mind, you may have heard a Voice encouraging you into some ministry, to develop some gift, to learn something. I strongly suggest that you listen to that Voice, that you confirm that the Voice was the Holy Spirit by asking “Is this something that Scripture would encourage?” and by talking to mature, godly Christians that you know.

Ministry was never intended to be something only a few people did. Ministry was intended to be the “works of service” which Christ sent people to be built up to do – all people. As I’ve said before, Christianity is not a spectator sport, a type of entertainment for Sunday mornings, but rather it is a player sport, a sport where everyone participates, a sport where the world is changed through the action of the Holy Spirit – and people as strong – or as weak – as you. Find your tool set and bring it into the Body of Christ.